Marriage vows are viewed as sacred and spoken before the eyes of God. With that being said
how do you explain a divorce rate of 50%or more in America?
Maybe it’s due to buyer’s remorse. It may
take a few years to realize that the person you married and wanted to spend the
rest of your life with is not the person you see standing before you today.
How
many people do you know with what you consider a successful marriage?
You may want to take
a second look at those marriages you are holding up against that bar they too
may be holding on by a thread.
No one knows what
goes on behind the scenes of a marriage.
The fact is most married couples have private, public and
social personas.Couples can present the perfect relationship when it’s necessary out in public. They can engage in social settings with family and friends as if everything is great. Then there are the private times where they don’t really communicate. It’s good morning, off to work or getting the kids ready for school and then back home in the evening where family life rules. What is often missing is the romantic relationship that brought them together in the first place. They get lost in being responsible for the kids, the bills and finances. They forget that they are adults who need the attention and feelings of being loved and desired as man and woman. People get so caught up in beginning the marriage which I call the “Short term”. The short term is the engagement and the planning of the wedding.
They don’t take the time to consider the night and days that come after the wedding the “Long term”.
The long term is where life begins to slowly unravel the cocoon that
protects new love.
You begin to see and learn things about one another that
will give you reason to question if you can accept certain things about one
another.
Let’s take the issue of finance for example.
Couples who are not on the same page about the incoming and
the outgoing of the monies will surely have troubles to follow. His or her hobbies and spending habits to
maintain them can prove to be quite an issue. Does it make sense to spend
two-hundred dollars on a hand bag when you are behind in your utility bills?
What about spending two thousand dollars for that 60 inch HD television for
your man cave? Each individual will try and make the case as to why they should
not have to cut back on their personal needs instead of staying focus on the
necessity of paying the utility bill.
Learning to compromise is a key to maintaining marriage longevity.
You can’t be selfish and have a successful union. Before
getting married these are some of the things individuals must consider.
Have I accepted this person for who they are?
Can I put my wife or
husband before me?
Do we have the correct expectations of one another?
I’m I ready to be a husband/wife and father/mother?
Do I trust and respect this individual without question?
These few questions could help a lot of couples from making
a decision that results in being a mistake.
Once that mistake is realized and depending when it is;
plays a strong hand in staying in a bad marriage.
Once children have entered the equation it makes it that
much more of a difficult decision to depart the marriage. When you add to that
mortgage statements, car notes, medical expenses you have a whole other slew of
reasons not to bail. You begin to add up all the extended reasons as well. Like
how will you explain things to family and friends? You may suffer from shame
and guilt of having failed in your relationship. These couples find a way to
drudge along in a life unfulfilled.
Experts suggest getting help from a marriage counselor or
from a pastor, minister etc.
The divorce rate
suggest many of these couples for whatever reason could not find the road that
reunites them with the feelings they had when they took their vows.
If we were to add into the equation these couples who stay
in bad marriages the divorce rate would go through the roof!
“For better or worse in sickness and health until death do
we part”.
How many people really believe in those vows?
It seems individuals are to busy with the quest of meeting
the “One”
They over look what their own qualities and characteristics
are in being the “One” to someone else.
Marriages are on the decline in America it appears generations
today don’t adhere to the same belief as their mothers and fathers etc. Another
reason might be the examples that have been set by those same mothers and
fathers. There are positive and negative role models and they do have their
affect on children who will one day be red blooded dating teens and full grown
adults.
Will the institution of marriage last?
I Hope so.
The
question is what will your role be in beginning your marriage (Short Term) and
maintaining it (Long Term)?
Don’t be afraid to ask yourselves.Are you the marrying kind?
Written by: Larry D. Miller
